In the spirit of transparency, I have a confession to make. I’m Stephen and I’m a self-promoter. It’s always been this way. Not sure why. I’m sure it has to do with being the fat kid with no friends growing up, or my dad leaving when I was a freshman in high school. It probably has a lot to do with being a guy with prideful ambition. But I think that ultimately it all stems from lack of faith which leads to fear…

The crazy thing is that in the midst of it all, God is good. Who knew? The amazing redeeming and sanctifying power of the Holy Spirit is so much stronger than I ever dreamed. His sovereign, unstoppable plan is, was and always will be unwaveringly for our good, no matter how hard it is to swallow in certain seasons.

The more I pray that God would continue to form Himself in me, the more He keeps stripping away at the me in me. Each little thing more painful and detailed than the last. Learning that I don’t trust God. That was the hardest one by far.

I think I say that I trust Him a lot more than I actually do, but when it all boils down to it, I don’t. Trust is on the 14th of the month knowing a paycheck is coming on the 15th. You don’t have to wonder. Trust is understanding that God is more sure than anything else. That when He calls, He will follow through. That when He begins, He completes.

It’s not saying that you believe God is going to take care of you, but consistently trying to take matters into your own hands. It’s not telling people you trust God and then spending hours on the phone trying to “make things happen” or “do your part.”

I think early on in particular this was a serious problem for me, but over the years, little by little, the Lord has patiently shown me that His will isn’t for me to be pimping myself out. The funny thing is that in spite of all that, time and time again I’ve forgotten that He’s an amazing Father, and not only a Father, but a fully capable provider.

The God that created everything and has full access to all provision is the same God who calls Himself my Father.

Since I have stepped out to lead worship full time in a global church capacity, leaving behind the sureness of the paycheck, I have never experienced more temptation to be “that guy”. To brute force something and make it work… To waste all my time trying to get my name out and make sure that people are aware that I’m available. There have definitely been days that I have succumbed to the temptation.

I just keep coming back to the wisdom of one of my good friends and mentors who just calls me and gently reminds me, “Stephen, what you started in faith, don’t complete in fear. God is as sure today as when He called you.” And then I remember this amazing, undeniable truth. That God is much wiser, stronger, strategic, faithful, trustworthy and sovereign than I will ever be!

As Amanda and I walk through this new journey together, God is continually shaping our faith and trust into what I believe and pray will be real trust and real faith. The kind that honors Him and isn’t simply lip service. We are so humbled that God is using us and trusting us with this ministry and praying that we wouldn’t get in the way of that with our pride, self-promotion and lack of faith. That He would be honored in our waiting as much as our work. And that through our refusal to try and simply watch Him display His faithfulness in and through us, He would get all glory for anything that He would see fit to do through us.

May we simply be satisfied to be a display of the glory and faithfulness of God.